


the ocean's shapeless form

by Rebel_Scum1221



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ben draws her out of shit, Dark Rey (Star Wars), F/M, I Do, I wrote this in a spout of inspiration fron the trailer, I'd say its canon compliant but is it?, It hurt me a little writing this, Its got some dark Rey feels, OH AND I CANT FORGET I DO, Reylo - Freeform, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Trailer, The angst on this one, This is literally me piecing from the trailer, We got that fight in the rain, and other moments drawn from other things, because when am i not writing reylo, i dont think so, please be kind, some moments, the forest and her dropping the helmet, the stuff with the training droid in the teaser, they got moments, this is unedited so expect trash, those death star moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-29 02:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21131549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebel_Scum1221/pseuds/Rebel_Scum1221
Summary: "People say that they know me, but no one does.""But I do."





	the ocean's shapeless form

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ksco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ksco/gifts), [katieitsmee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katieitsmee/gifts).

She heard him. For the first time in months, Rey heard him. 

His voice was muddled through a hazy film, something distorting it to almost recognizable, like a scream underwater. But Rey would know his voice anywhere, of that she was sure. Through her own eyes she saw _him._ Kylo– _Ben_, the man who somehow still invaded her thoughts despite her best efforts. 

Ben’s back was toward her, much like it was in the throne room where she chose to leave him alive yet again, despite the wretched voice in her head telling her otherwise. His back was toward her, and he was breathing, shallow and deep breaths that came in waves like those that splashed up on the rocks of Ach-too. 

Funny, how all these months Rey struggled to form any sort of closure around the force, spent hours upon hours in meditation just to feel it slip out of her hands like the coarse sand she knew all too well, and yet here, in this moment with Ben it thrummed in her like a livewire.

She was alive again. It was as if she was taken back to the day he interrogated her, when she pushed back and felt the power within her for the first time. Always Ben. He set her on fire. 

There was no way he was actually here, this wasn’t like when they touched, when she felt that pull, that _aliveness_ in his touch. No, this was some sort of vision or dream. 

Regardless of the state, Rey found she could move and her feet drew her to him, the blur around his edges hardening and forming a complete picture. 

He was asleep. 

Rey wished she could see his face. 

A pressure had begun to form in her head, like the headache she would get after running too many days without enough water; hard and constant. Despite the apparent effect, Rey pushed against the force dying to hear what muddled murmuring wasn’t passing through whatever block existed between them. 

She was so close, within a hypothetical fingers reach. Rey gave one last effort, even bringing her hands to her head as if that would steady her mind. He could be muttering information about the First Order. Information that is vital to their survival. That’s what she told herself at least, that it was important to find out because he could subconsciously let something slip. 

It was a lie and she knew it. But how many lies had she already told herself? The resistance? Her friends? What was one more?

“I’m sorry— I’m sorry.” It was broken and pleading, and all she heard before Rey was thrown out of the dream, rising to her forearms faster than she could take a breath. A single tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away with the palm of her hand, steeling herself like she always did. 

~~~

They were cornered everywhere they went. No planet was safe. It was a miracle they stayed hidden here this long. 

Rey was grateful. Out of all the places they were forced to hide, the dense greenery of this planet made it bearable. 

She ran deftly through the underbrush, taking on another day with another training exercise. If the force was determined to reject her she would become better by other means. There weren’t fancy powers and secret connections on Jakku, just restless nights, recurring dreams, and her resilience. If she survived there with much less, she would make it here, with or without the force’s help. 

Her feet slowed and Rey drew in one breath after another, forcing herself not to think about how this mystical being was just yet again another think to reject her. Forced herself not to remember the only person who hadn’t. 

Even the resistance was faulty. Rey knew if they knew the truth she would be shunned, so she lied. The mask, the facade, was mastered. Those times when thoughts caught her off guard Rey wondered if Ben had felt the same, he had a real mask after all. 

The training droid she pulled out of her bag thrummed to life and lifted above her into the humid air. She would try again, maybe the force would negotiate this crazy unspoken, _unagreed_, to agreement. In one swift movement she tied the red piece of fabric around her eyes and ingnited her recently repaired lightsaber. 

The thrumming in her being that she now associated with the force heightened for a minute before quieting again. Rey swore in Teedospeak, using one of her favorite words, as a bolt struck her right below the scar that now laced her upper arm. Her frustration was only heightened by the bolts aim. The force was a bitch

It was fine, she could deal with the pain, gods know she had before. In fact, she welcomed it this time, a semi-pleasant distraction from her mind. 

That’s when she felt it, the hum that raised goosefelsh on her arms and stole the air out of her lungs. 

When she turned Rey saw exactly what she expected. Kylo Ren standing there, frown etched into his features, with his arms crossed. 

Out of rage she threw her lightsaber at him. That wound wasn’t healed. It wasn’t like the scar on her arm. 

For once, the force reacted. It sliced through a tree instead and returned to her hand.

Ben left on the breeze. 

That night she dreamt of voices and lightning. 

~~~

The smiling was over. She was done shining. 

There were too many expectations set for a Jedi, a _fake_ Jedi. 

Rey had waited to take her mask off until she was secure in the forest she had now become familiar with. Her eye sight became blurry with wetness. She blinked the tears away, knowing the action was futile, that others would just replace those of the fallen. 

She wished that was the case with her. That she could fall. That someone could replace her. 

Hate wasn’t supposed to be a word the Jedi used. It wasn’t a good thing to think, but despite that Rey found herself hating this moment, hating the pressure. Maybe even for a brief moment hating the resistance and its constant reliance on her. 

She had no idea how Leia hadn’t gone mad. 

Rey was fairly certain she was going mad. 

The voices haunted her dreams now, but she stayed sleeping. Preferring the alternate reality over her current one. 

~~~

The intel came in and changed everything. 

Everyone in the resistance, with the few others they had collected over the months, whirring around like sandflies, buzzing and whizzing whilst coming up with new ideas. 

“The death star?” Someone said in disbelief. “I thought Luke Skywalker blew it up?” 

“A piece of it remains.”

“And I am going to find it,” Rey said. There was something simmering under her skin, not the force though she finally got pieces of that back. This was different, like something was calling her to go now that she knew it existed. 

“Not alone you’re not.” Finn’s voice called across the table displaying the holo-map, his skin illuminated by its blue glow. 

“It’s too dangerous, I have to go alone.” She didn’t. Rey knew she didn’t. But it also felt wrong to have him tag along, like she’d be breaking some sort of unspoken vow.

“Finn’s right. We’re best kept together. Poe,” She directed her attention to him, a bright smile on his too attractive let’s-go-get-them face. “Put together the resources. You’ll take the falcon. I want you all to find as much about this new threat as possible. There are rumors. I want to make sure they aren’t true.” The general squeezed Rey’s shoulder before saying, “You ship out at nightfall.” 

~~~

The sun was still up as she made her rounds through the woods one last time. It was quiet in her path insects even buzzing at a lower pitch. 

“Rey.” 

She stopped in her tracks and glanced behind her. Ben was right behind her, breath practically breathing down her neck. Strange how she couldn’t feel him this time, that thought was muted to the raging screams of her thoughts. 

“What are you— where are you–” She didn’t let him speak anything else before she was off, dropping the helmet in her hands and sprinting back to base. 

She couldn’t think about his face, his eyes, his voice. 

_Him._

She couldn’t. 

~~~

The death star was dark, frayed. Wires bursting everywhere, and sharp metal shards threatened to slice open her abdomen with one failed jump. Luckily she had experience on her side, experience and drive. 

The calling had gotten stronger. It vibrated in her bones as she convinced the group to stay behind, to let her do what she knew best. Scavenge. 

It was the closest she felt to rightness in months. She was still an abandoned desert girl, and abandoned student, an abandoner. Rey let that last thought slam into the durasteel beneath her palms as she scurried into a darkened room. 

A throne lay a few paces away, and the song beneath her skin rose up to a choir. 

Almost trance-like she moved with her hand out, desperate to touch the rock carved to perfection. 

Clammy hands met cold stone and her vision met a wall of black. 

All around her people were kneeling, shouting her name though it was one she didn’t recognize. This Rey was smiling, though it was darkened by the space around her. Flames erupted to her left and the scene changed. Ash lay thick in the horizon and a man laughed behind her. 

“I am glad this appeases your wishes my Lord.” 

The veiled man spoke, raspy voice carrying through the desolate place. “My apprentice, you please me more than any other. Out of all the possible outcomes I saw for my future, this was what I least expected, but what I wished for the most.” He brought a hand out and held a folded double-bladed lightsaber.

“Now,” He paused, looking at her for the first time. Yellow eyes sparked in the darkened light. “Kill them all and you won’t ever wish for anything again.” 

Rey took the lightsaber and flung it open, its crimson glow igniting the space around her and lighting her victims. 

Poe was beneath her, his eyes pleading. The gag in his mouth dripped down his chin as he screamed into it. Rey plunged the blade through his heart. 

His body slumped to the ground and she moved over to the other. It was Ben. 

He looked up at her, not saying a thing and then closed his eyes in acceptance. As if he knew this was his outcome all along. 

A voice rang out in her head. 

“It’s okay.” 

A tear fell from her eye to the polished stone below and the scene changed. It was bright, sunny but not in an intense way like the days on Jakku. It was a pleasant warmth, one that came and left with the breeze. 

She was certain she had never been to this planet before but it felt as if a lifetime ago she sat in that very spot. A hand rested on her thigh. Familiarity warmed her heart at the sight of Ben, his white shirt halfway undone as he lounged in the rays. She’d never seen him so carefree. So bright. 

He took her hand in his own, brought it up to his lips, and kissed it. 

The scenery melted away and left another warm location in its wake. This time a home, rustic and perfect in every way. 

Ben nestled his nose to the crook of her neck before bringing it down along the start of her spine. Short words were whispered against her skin like a prayer. 

“You saved me.” 

“So strong. So bright.” 

“Sweetheart.”

At the last word his palm flattened against her bare stomach and Rey was wrenched from the vision. 

Cold, stale, musty air caused her to choke on the screamed words.

“What did you do.” Ben, the real ben, stood before her breathing hard. 

“That’s not you. You’re not you.” It was all he said but his eyes spoke a different story. Somehow she knew he caused the influence on her visions, knew he drew her out. She couldn’t find it in her to care. 

“People keep telling me they know me, but they don’t.” The last three words ground out of her mouth, any weakness unwelcome in the presence of someone who could break her without even trying. 

“But I do.” He spoke it through his mask, the sound distorted slightly. His hands came up to remove it. “I do, Rey.” 

The tenderness almost broke her, but Rey’s heart was guarded now and it would take more than that. She had to make sure it would take more than that.

“Like hell you do.” Her lightsaber was ignited before she realized and she lunged at him. 

They fought, or rather Rey fought and Ben parried, moving throughout the ruined space station until they were above it, rain and wind whipping at their hair. It made her even more frustrated. Why couldn’t he hate her? That would make what she had to do so much easier. 

Ben bounded toward her for the, something-th, time. She was tiring but her limbs kept working, her mind thankfully staying sharp. 

It wasn’t sharp enough. With and upward strike he disarmed her and had her knocked to the floor, wrists in his hands, before she could call her saber back. 

“Rey. Rey, look at me. Look at me.” When she kept thrashing he grabbed her face with one hand, binding her two hands in his one. “I’m here now.” 

Exactly what she feared happened. She was stuck looking at him now, not even forced anymore, just stuck because her soul knew something about him was right. 

“I’m here. I know you. I’m here.” Ben leaned down. Drops from his rain soaked hair splashed on her face hitting her cheekbones. 

Their noses touched. 

And then his lips met hers and all other thought faded away. 

He broke for just a moment, hovering just millimeters above her. 

“I know you. I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this in an hour
> 
> My back is killing me bc im hunched over in bed to get this shit done before I lost the wham bam get it done damn bit of this.  
Does this make any sense to canon.  
THATD BE A BIG FAT NOPE. 
> 
> but here it is anyway.  
I really hope you enjoy it♥
> 
> Gifting this work to Katieitsmee because she WROTE A THING AND IM SO PROUD. Also she's an amazing human being and I love her. And also Ksco because she has been the light to my writing with her comments and yeah. my heart is filled by her words.


End file.
